iJobuscus: Again
by ilytobuscus
Summary: It has been over a year since Toby and Justine broke up. They are both falling apart, but do they have the guts to admit it?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi :) So, this is my first fanfiction… I've been really disappointed with how few Tobuscus/iJustine stories there are. Honestly, I don't believe they'll get back together either, but I've just always loved them together, and I know I can't be the only one, so I've decided I'd try one myself :) I've had ideas for a while now, anyway.**

*Justine's POV*

I woke up, dreading this day. Not because anything different was happening, but just because it was another day. Another long, numb, boring day.

It's not that Ryan is a bad guy or anything. He is a great guy in fact, but he isn't _my_ guy. He isn't the guy I had pictured myself with. He's just a guy I use to get through these days. I knew I wasn't only hurting him, but hurting myself, too. I catch myself sometimes, as he leans in and kisses me, or holds me as night, picturing Toby. I can't help myself, though.

I started to pack my suitcases. I was going to my parents for a week, not for any particular reason, but just because sometimes I need them. Needless to say, I've been visiting a lot more lately.

I don't think they suspected anything. My sister, BreAnne, didn't either. Jenna, though, she was constantly asking me if I needed to talk, or if something was wrong. I knew I was different. How could I be the same?

I flashbacked to that day. That horrible day. That day I did the stupidest thing I have ever done. I'm not even sure why I did it. I guess I'm just another stupid girl.

_Toby took my hand and tucked my hair behind my ear. He always did that. He said he 'wanted to see my beautiful face'. He looked out at the horizon. It really did look gorgeous from up here. We were surrounded my all the other Youtubers. They all had out their cameras, vlogging away. Toby let go of my hand and reached for his phone. I felt a hint of sadness, knowing we couldn't just stay like that forever. We didn't want everyone to know we were dating. They were already making assumptions, but that's different. I started to walk away and I heard him in the background, 'AUDIENCE!'_

_He put his phone back into his pocket and took my hand again. He pulled me closer to him. I expected him to kiss me, but instead he just looked at me for a minute. At that moment, I felt something. I'm not sure what, but it was something alright. It was a little scary, too. I couldn't even begin to describe that feeling. It was just like, I suddenly became unaware of everything but him and me. I could just feel my heart beating so fast, I felt as if it would explode. I had never felt anything so sensational. As I became unaware of my surroundings, I became aware of much love I felt for him. It was more than I had ever felt before. As I realized this I let go of his hand and smiled nervously. I don't know why I did it, but it was like a reflex almost. He looked a bit confused, and I just smiled again. I started to walk away from him. _

_As the night progressed I just kept avoiding him. I just got further and further away from him. It was strange because I wanted so terribly to be by his side, but I just couldn't bring myself to do that. _

_I was ready to go when I realized Toby drove me here. I was scared but relieved at the same time. I was scared because I would have to confront my feelings, and I was relieved because I thought maybe it would be okay, once I got into the car and just talked to him, without everyone around me. _

'_Hey.' I heard and jumped a little._

_I turned to see it was Toby, which I already knew, his voice was pretty distinct. I said hi back, and we walked to the car._

_It was a long ride, and I soon realized that I was definitely more scared than relieved. I tried not to look at him, because every time I did, I felt that sensation again. He parked outside my building and just looked at me. I got up the courage to look back at him, too. There it was. That feeling. I looked away, and said, 'I'm sorry… goodbye' I knew he understood what I was saying. I also knew he didn't understand why I was saying it. All he said in reply was, 'Okay.' _

And that was it. The end of forever. It hurts to think about it because _he's it. He's always been it. I've waited too long though. It's over. There are some things you can't get back no matter how hard you try. He is one of them._

*Toby's POV*

I took a sip of my coffee as I sat down. What is there to do today? Edit videos, make videos, edit a few more videos… sounds about right. Maybe I'll call up Gabe and see if he wants to hang out, or something. I've been seeing my friends a lot more lately. I guess that's expected, though, of a guy my age… isn't it? I'm not so sure. I used to be, though. I used to know exactly how days went, measuring time with when I get to see Justine, and when I don't. Now, though, I look at a clock just about every two seconds, hoping more time has passed. These days have been long. Since when did living begin to take so much hard work? Well, I guess I know the answer to that.

I had someone a few months ago, though. Olga. She wasn't a Justine by far, but she was a nice girl. She wanted to get married. I have an idea of how that idea popped into her head, though. I thought of that little black box in my nightstand, that one I bought after it happened.

After the day that changed my life. It was probably a stupid thing to do, buy an engagement ring after a break up… but I felt like if it was still there, hope was still there. As long as I had that, I had something.

I hated to think about her. I hated to see her. I hated _her. _Okay, of course that's a lie. I love her. More than anything or anyone else in this world. _She's it. She's always been it. I've waited too long though. It's over. There are some things you can't get back no matter how hard you try. She is one of them._


	2. Chapter 2

**NOTE: This takes place at when Justine is at her parents'. *** and another thing: I have nothing against Ryan/fwiz. This is only a story, and in no way do I believe this is what is going on. - Enjoy :)**

*Justine's POV*

"So, Justine, what's up with you and Ryan?" Bre asked, dragging out his name as if I were twelve.

"Good! Great. He's great. Super sweet," I tried to sound casual, but I'm pretty sure I just sounded nervous. She didn't seem to notice though.

"Awesome! I'm really happy for you! He seems amazing."

"Yep! He is." I said, really hoping she would take a hint and change the subject. She did not.

"Do you see this going far? Like, a long-term thing?" she questioned me, obviously interested. She always was interested with my love life. Ever since I had my very first boyfriend in seventh grade. I guess that's what's expected of little sisters, though.

"Yeah, maybe… I'm gonna go put on my pajamas, okay?" I got up quickly walked to my room.

I really liked this room. It was the room I grew up in, how could I not like it, though? When I was here it was like I could remember- just for a second- where I belonged. I felt small, standing there in the middle of the little room. Small, in a good way. Like a child. I loved that feeling. Toby used to give me that feeling. It was a feeling like nothing else. I felt free, and so _alive. _I felt like I was just starting out in this life, without a care in the world. And, if I want to be honest with myself, Ryan just doesn't make me feel that way. I feel so… twenty- eight when I'm with him. I stood in front of my baby blue full length mirror. I looked like an adult too. My hair isn't the same. My clothes aren't the same, and, somehow, my eyes aren't either. I'm not who I used to be. Can't anyone see that?

I collapsed onto the ground and sobbed. I cried and cried until I felt as if I had no more tears, but as soon as I sat up and propped my body up against the wall, the tears came again.

"Justine! Sweetheart, what is it?" I heard a voice, one that I recognized to be my mothers', come closer to me. I felt arms envelop me and hold me tight, "Sweetie, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

Strangely enough, sitting here like this, I felt a sense of calm. I felt calm enough to even talk to her. It was killing me. I had to talk to someone. Who could be better than my own mother?

"M-Mom…" I stuttered, as tears rolled down my face, "I need your… help. Please… I d-don't know what to do anymore, M-Mom…" I struggled to get those words out through my sobs. They were the kind that made your entire body shake. The kind of sobs only broken hearts could bring.

"Okay, okay, if you ever need my help you know you can always ask. Now, what is it you don't know what to do?" my mother replied in a calm, soothing voice.

"This! All of this! This life! I don't care about any of this! I'm not _happy_!" I finished saying in a much less calm voice.

"What do you mean you aren't happy? What's there to be unhappy about? You have a great job that you adore, an even more amazing boyfr-."

"NO! NONONONONO!" I interrupted her, covering my ears, "Not him, okay? Please, mom, not him. It's not him! It's never him! I don't love him! I never will!" I felt like a horrible person as I heard myself say those words. I'd thought them before, but never actually said it. The truth is, he is amazing. He's every girl's dream guy, but I don't deserve him, I guess I never really have.

"What? I thought you seemed to really like this boy…" my mother said, seeming a little disappointed.

"I- I just… I lost myself. A while ago," I started, calming down a little, "I need some time to figure myself out. I can't do that when I'm with him." I finished.

"Okay… Justine. How long have you been feeling this way?" she asked me.

_Long enough._

*Toby's POV*

I scrolled through all my subscriptions, seeing if any of them were worth watching. I didn't see any, so I went back to the video. The same video I watch whenever there's nothing else to watch. _EXCLUSIVE RAPTURE FOOTAGE_. That was the day. I've always thought it was a little ironic, because, in a way, it was the end of the world. The end of me and her. Yeah, I'd say it's pretty close. I watched it twice before closing it. I just stared at my desktop for a minute.

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed, then looked around the room. What is there? Nothing. It has been like this so long, I'm just used to it by now.

I got up and went to my bedroom. I opened the drawer to my nightstand, and there it was. No surprise, of course, though. It was always there. It would stay there as a reminder. There's still hope. If I ever get a second chance at her, I'm going to do it right. If she breaks my heart a billion times, I won't even mind, as long as she's mine in the end.

Although… I kind of feel like I've waited _long enough_.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi! So, this is going to take place at the Smiley movie premiere. I do not intend for this to be a very long story, but if yall like it, then I will write more :)**

*Toby's POV*

I made my way through the crowd of people and finally found a place to sit. There was a big open space with only a few people around. I sat down on a bench and put my head in my hands. I was really getting nervous.

There were just so many _people._ Not to mention, one of them was Justine. Thank God I hadn't seen her. Isn't it bad enough I have to see her at Playlist Live, and Vidcon? I even had to sit next to her last time.

I don't even really know why I had to be here. It's not like I play a big part in the movie, or anything.

I knew I needed to get back over there, but I really wasn't up for it.

I decided to face my fears and get back in there. I got up and started walking back to the crowd.

Then, I saw her. _Of course_ I saw her. I would never be able to avoid her. It just wasn't possible. I waved a little bit. I am such an idiot. I could've ignored her, but no, I _wave_ like a dumbass. She did wave back, though. She started to walk a little closer. Toward me? Maybe. Wait, yes. She is definitely walking toward me. I was even more nervous, now, as you can imagine. What am I supposed to say?

"Hi." She was the first to speak. Thankfully.

"Hey." I felt sick. I cannot do this. Isn't it funny how I used to be able to say anything to her, and now I can hardly get a word out? I guess it's because she's not the same girl. She's not _my_ Justine anymore. She's Ryan's Justine, now. I can't change that.

"Um, so, have you seen it yet?" She asked me, seeming a little nervous herself.

"No, actually." I replied.

"Oh, okay. Well, I'm sure it's great." She smiled. Her smile always got me. All this time and her smile's still the same.

She started to walk away. I hated to see her walk away. It killed me. Maybe because I've seen it too many times before.

_Toby, if you want a second chance, you have to try._

"Wait, Justine?" I said. Hearing myself say that name again sounds nice.

I wasn't sure what to say when she turned around. I tried to remember what we used to talk about. What would I have said then? I don't know. This girl was different, yet, she was the same. She was still beautiful. She'll always be beautiful. I still loved her, and I knew I always would. So much time has passed. I've missed so much, it's no surprise she's changed. My fear though, was that I was holding her back from all of this. Who she is today. Maybe that's who she always wanted to be. Maybe I was keeping her from that. _Do I want her to be happy, or am I so selfish that I'd keep her from happiness, so I could be happy again?_

"Why?" It was a question that had been on my mind since the day she left me. _Why?_ I expected her to say something like, "I gotta go," or just walk away.

"I was scared," was what she said instead. I wasn't sure what that meant, but at least it was something.

"Of what? What was there to be scared, Justine? Why couldn't you have just talked to me? We could have worked it out! It was _us_. We could get through anything!" I said, or more like yelled. I saw getting angry, and, judging by the look on her face, she was too.

But, we were getting somewhere. _Maybe this is our second chance._

*Justine's POV*

I wasn't sure what to say to that. I was scared. Scared that I would mess this up, that I would say something stupid and he would leave. I didn't want him to leave. He would be gone forever this time. I knew that.

"I was scared that I would get hurt! I'd given you _everything_! If you wanted to hurt me you could have done it in a heartbeat!" I shouted.

"But I didn't! I didn't and I never will because I _love_ you!" He finished. There it was. The words I had wanted to hear this whole time. The words I had heard from the wrong mouth for too long. With him, it felt right to say it back. It always did.

"I love you too." That's what I decided to say. And it _did_ feel right.

He moved closer to me. My heart was pounding so hard he had to have heard it, as he leaned in… and kissed me.

It was a long, slow kiss. One that reminded me of our first kiss. And there were those feelings. All of them. They came rushing back to me, not like they were ever really gone in the first place. Suddenly, I remembered everything. I know exactly who I am, where I should be. I felt like a child again. I felt whole. Everything was okay again. I could always count on him to make me feel like this. He made me feel something again. He made me feel everything.

_Maybe this is our second chance._


End file.
